he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
