My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
