And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
