i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
