you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
