Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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