Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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