a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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