4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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