As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
