I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
