yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
