I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
