Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
