i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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