She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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