i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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