how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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