I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
