I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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