am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
