Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
