Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
