if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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