You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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