WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
