Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
