Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i came on her dog
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
