I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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