i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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