I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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