my phone needs a breathalizer
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
