I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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