You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
