I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
