i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
