margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
