epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
