when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
