i was born a porn star she said
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
