I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
