I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
