Having a random hookup so left but love u
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
my poor anus
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
