Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
