I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize