I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
