We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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