It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
did i just pee glitter
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
