My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
