Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
